


Smile Like You Mean It

by Chester_speaks5683



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety/Anxiety attacks, Eventual relationship, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Some Humor (because Hinata)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 07:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chester_speaks5683/pseuds/Chester_speaks5683
Summary: Kageyama doesn't know why these attacks keep happening.  To make matters worse, his anxiety has become more intense this year than usual and he finds himself at a loss of what to do.  During all of this a certain orange hair boy seems intent on charging (quite literally) his way into Kageyama's life.  But what surprises him the most is that he can't help but think that it's a good thing.





	Smile Like You Mean It

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for your interest in reading "Smile Like You Mean It". 
> 
> As mentioned in the tags I want to make sure that readers know this story will be centered around Kageyama and his anxiety (in addition to his developing relationship with Hinata). There will be anxiety attacks so if that makes you uncomfortable I recommend not reading. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Kageyama isn’t sure when exactly he realized he is different from other people.  

‘I hate this,’ he thinks to himself, looking out the window as he drowns out the noise of his sensei lecturing.

He tries to breath in and out slowly, counting to three.  But the anxiety that he has been feeling refuses to leave his body.  It has been building for a while now.  It’s been a problem for years, if he is honest with himself and it’s the reason why in middle school he became “the King of the Court”.  

Because volleyball is the only thing that keeps the anxiety at bay and prevents him from feeling anything but the rush of the game.  Kageyama has pushed himself so he wouldn’t have to think about anything else.  Early on he quickly noticed how there wasn’t room for anything but volleyball when he does this.  His world is able to narrow down to serves, sets, receives and spikes.  It became his comfort zone, his safe space.  What he hadn’t anticipated though was how by pushing himself to be better and faster he ended up forcing his team to keep up with his brutal pace unwillingly.  Until they decided they didn’t want to put up with it anymore.

His mother had scolded him for his behavior after his coach told her the details of the game.  He hadn’t heard a thing of what she said, only being able to watch her stern eyes and her mouth move as she unleashed her lecture during the car ride home.  And just like right now, he then was focused on breathing in and out and counting to three.  Because it’s the only technique that he knows sometimes works.     

“Kageyama?”

Kageyama snaps his eyes back to his sensei who is standing by the board looking at him.  It appears that he has stopped his lecture and, based on the way his classmates are looking at him, must have paused for a while.

“Hai?” he mumbles, unable to give a proper response like he wants to.

“Can you read the next paragraph for us?”

He looks down at the book that is open on his desk, coherent enough to understand what his sensei is asking of him.  But to his panic he finds that he can’t do more than just look at the page.  All the work he had put in the last hour to calm himself appears to be for not as he feels his anxiety return at a higher level than before.  

“Kageyama?  I asked you to read the paragraph,” his sensei’s irritation starts to show.

‘Damn it.  It’s happening again…’ Kageyama thinks as he glares fiercely at his desk.  

Silence stretches out over the class as Kageyama tries his best to focus on his breathing, ignoring how his heart is beating fiercely and his hands are shaking under his desk.  He knows that his sensei will give up soon and call on someone else.  Most likely he will also be asked to stay after to discuss his defiant behavior in class today.  And like always he is prepared to listen to the lecture and apologize for the way he acted in class again.  Because he knows that it is his fault for letting his problem become a burden to others.

What nowadays scares Kageyama the most is that he doesn’t have any clue as to why he is having these anxiety attacks.

* * *

 

“All right that’s all for today!  Good work team!  Let’s clean up before we leave,” Daichi-senpai calls out to the group of boys who have been practicing drills for the last two hours.

The general feel of the gym is exhaustion but laughter starts to seep in as Tanaka-senpai and Noya **-** senpai attempt to recruit Tsukishima in performing a new dance move that they recently saw on a show.  His look of mild irritation and revulsion has the rest of the group laughing as they start packing up the nets and putting away volleyballs.   

While Kageyama finds himself unable to laugh with his teammates he is glad that his anxiety is no longer present.  At the start of practice he had immediately rushed over to Hinata knowing that playing volleyball with him would help calm him down.  Hinata, who was chatting with Sugawara-senpai at the time, had scurried backwards when he noticed Kageyama approaching him and screamed “please don’t kill me!”.  

Kageyama had ignored his terrified look and grabbed the front of his T-shirt.

“We need to practice now.”

Hinata had given a yelp of surprised at being dragged towards the volleyball cart but quickly caught on that he wasn’t in trouble.  His whole demeanor had changed from horror to excitement.  Kageyama felt himself relax as Hinata started talking animatedly about the spikes he wanted to practice today.  Relieved that he could lose himself in playing volleyball, Kageyama easily agreed and the two of them had set to work for the next two hours.

“Baka-yama!”

Kageyama jerks his head up to see Hinata jogging towards him.  He doesn’t stop moving towards him until he literally runs into his side.

“Oi!” Kageyama snaps, automatically putting his hands on Hinata’s waist to stop his momentum.

The shorter boy instantly cranks his head up to look him in the eye.  What’s unusual is how serious his face is in the moment.  His brown eyes are complete focused on him but aren’t showing any other emotion.  He feels unsettled by how mature Hinata looks right now.  Kageyama realizes he is used to seeing his face being as dynamic as his personality.

“It’s here.”

“...what-”

“It’s _here_.  Follow me.”

Hinata grabs his arm and starts running for the locker room.  Once inside he orders Kageyama to change quickly and proceeds to take his own advice.  He changes at a speed that worries Kageyama on what’s going on but that worry quickly turns into irritation when the orange hair boy tries to help Kageyama take off his shirt. 

“You have to move faster!” Hinata grunts, his hands yanking the bottom of Kageyama’s shirt up. 

“Knock it off!” he scowls and tries to push him away from him. 

Hinata apparently doesn’t care for personal space and makes a strange noise of frustration.  He has lifted his shirt to his armpits at this point and is struggling to get it up and over his head.

“Hey Kageyama-”

Hinata turns to Yamaguchi and bellows “HE DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO TALK!” before yanking the shirt over his head.

Kageyama, now shirtless and fiercely scowling, gives Yamaguchi a nod of acknowledgement.  The poor boy looks highly confused by Hinata’s behavior who now is focusing on putting a clean shirt on Kageyama.  Before he can do that though Kageyama snatches the shirt from his hands and puts it on himself.

“Okay I guess we’ll talk tomor-”

“Tomorrow he will be free to talk! Bye Yamaguchi,” Hinata grunts as he pushes Kageyama out of the locker room.

They speed past the poor boy who looks confused but thankfully not offended.  They hurry out the gym and start heading towards the bike rack.

“So are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“We have to go to my house.”

Kageyama at least knows where they were going.

But of course to be difficult he says, “What if I have to go home now?”

Hinata immediately stops walking which causes Kageyama to bump into him.  They are only a couple of meters away from the bike rack now and Kageyama can see both of their bikes from here.  However his attention turns to his smaller teammate when he suddenly grabs Kageyama’s face firmly between his hands.

“Weneedtogotomyhousenow,” Hinata says in a panic.  Kageyama is alarmed at how close their faces are now and feels his face start to heat up.

“Baka!  Let go of my face!” He yells which for some reason causes Hinata to lean in closer for a moment, almost as if he’s checking to see if he means it.  

Then to his horror he feels Hinata launch his whole body onto Kageyama.  His arms are now wrapped around his neck and his legs are tight against his waist.  He feels himself stumble backwards as Hinata headbutts his chest. 

“What the HELL??” 

“THIS IS IMPORTANT KAGEYAMA AND I’M NOT LETTING GO UNTIL YOU AGREE TO GO TO MY HOUSE,” Hinata yells into his shirt.

Kageyama at this point mostly feels exasperation and slightly overwhelmed by Hinata’s determination.  Usually it is a quality that he admires from his teammate.  He knows that Hinata does everything in his power to make sure that they are equals on the court who can support each other when things get tough.  Kageyama sees the hard work he has put in and appreciates it deeply.  But when Hinata does things like today he realizes that he doesn’t know how to handle the boy’s clear comfortability with him.  And his body.  

Kageyama lets out a loud sign.  To his own confusion though he gets the urge to wrap his arms around Hinata instead of immediately trying to shake off the older boy like usual.  Normally to Kageyama Hinata is annoying most of the time but he has come to slowly realize over the year that he is also a source of comfort to him that he’s never had in his life before.  

 And honestly Kageyama knows that he’s had a really hard day.

So for once he chooses to actually listen to what he needs in the moment and proceeds to wrap his arms around Hinata’s middle.  He starts walking towards the bike rack, trying to not overthink the situation.  What surprises him is how silent Hinata is as he carries him, especially considering how loud he was earlier.  It’s not necessarily an uncomfortable silence that settles over them but Kageyama can’t help but notice that it’s not normal either.  He can’t see Hinata’s face either because he still has it smashed into his chest so he can’t tell what he’s thinking.  Usually around now Kageyama knows he would start panicking in situations like this one.  But Kageyama isn’t feeling any of his usual anxiety and that makes him wonder…

...just how badly did he need a hug from someone he cares about?

“Hinata,” Kageyama says and stops when they reach the bike rack.

The older boy finally looks up, his face slightly pink but his grip is still firm.  He has a look on his face that makes Kageyama think he’s going to say something stupid or weird.  

But Kageyama is surprised when his response is only a, “Yeah?”

It’s the right thing to say though because Kageyama realizes he wants to ask Hinata something personal.  And they both know how he’s not good at opening up about his feelings.

 “Are we...Hinata are we...friends?”

Kageyama finds that he can’t look at Hinata’s face while he asks his question.  It’s been something on his mind a lot lately since he’s never had a friend before, not like this.  But he’s been too afraid to ask because while everyone seems for some reason to think he’s tough and mean Kageyama knows that he’s actually sensitive and painfully aware that most people don’t seem to like him. 

“What do you think?”

Kageyama looks back at Hinata at the question, not expecting it.  Hinata’s face is a little hard to read at the moment, like he’s purposefully trying to keep it blank.  But Kageyama can see the curiosity and subtle encouragement for him to open up. 

So he tries.  Because it’s Hinata. 

“I think that...we make a good team.  As partners.  On the court.  But you know...we do things off the court too.  Like you make me eat lunch with you.  And we hang out and stuff after school…” Kageyama struggles to explain. 

There’s an awkward pause as they both process what Kageyama has said.  Kageyama feels himself stiffen from the silence and his face starts to heat up.  He’s embarrassed, thinking that he somehow screwed this conversation up.

Hinata most likely feels him retreating into himself and suddenly says, “To be honest from my end we’ve been friends for a while.”

Kageyama is shocked by Hinata’s casual statement and accidently drops the smaller boy onto the ground.  Hinata lands hard on his ass and lets out a loud yelp.

“OI! What was that for???” Hinata glares from the ground.

“For how long?” Kageyama asks, not really hearing Hinata’s complaints. Hinata looks back at Kageyama annoyed and confused.

“How long have we been friends?”

“Oh,” Hinata says as he stands up, “I don’t know?  It’s not like there’s an exact date or something of when it happened.  We just got close over time and now we’re friends.  WAIT.  Did you just drop me because you don’t want to be friends anymore or something??”

Hinata is clearly distraught and looks like he’s torn between reaching for Kageyama or running away.

Kageyama, who is still reeling from what Hinata just told him, says, “Baka! I didn’t drop you because of that!  I dropped you because...because I didn’t know.  That we were...friends.”

There is a beat of silence before Hinata responds in a way that Kageyama doesn’t expect; he laughs.  It’s a genuine laugh that’s not condescending and his whole face lights up with amusement.  Hinata’s smiling at him and he reaches over to lightly punch Kageyama’s shoulder.

“No shit, Baka-yama!  How could we _not_ be friends?  I’m your spiker and you said it yourself that we are amazing partners.  I can’t believe you didn’t realize it until now,” he complains the last part but Kageyama can tell Hinata’s only teasing since his face is lit up and he’s grinning.  

Kageyama can see the clear relief in Hinata’s face and wonders if he actually communicated successfully for once in his life.  This makes Kageyama relieved as well and he feels his body start to slowly let go of the stress that has been building up over the course of the conversation.

Hinata, still beaming like an idiot, turns away from Kageyama and approaches his bike that’s sitting next to his own.  He proceeds to take it off of the rack and only looks back to say, “Are you coming?”

Kageyama automatically moves to follow Hinata, this crazy energetic boy that touches him way too much and is always there for him both on and off the court.  Never would he have imagined that his first friend would be anything like Hinata but he finds himself not caring.  Because he somehow knows instinctively that Hinata is a really good friend who will be there when Kageyama needs him the most.

And if Hinata will let him, Kageyama is determined to be that friend for him too.

 


End file.
